I was the first Osama bin Laden on Facebook. I was also the first Beulah Omar, Tylenol Kid, Diversabomber, Dumb Cunt, George Herbret Hoover Bush, Teddy Bear Bundy, Wayne Bo Williams, and several dozen other apparently real entities because they have email addresses so you can confirm your identity.
Everybody knows Facebook sucks elephant and donkey dicks and people who spend much time there are doomed to die during extreme interrogation techniques to determine what they know about me, and that makes me feel really special, considering I don't even employ a proxy server, so Suckerberg must have log files somewhere that equate my IP address to more than three dozen AssFacePlanters.
So why do I tempt fate by farting in the faces of end user license agreements and violate them as if they were young Cub scouts, or Brownies, or altar boys, or Congressional pages who are obviously asking to be buttfucked and orally sodomized by the big muscular cigar for presuming to climb up the political ladder to Hell?
Beats the hell out of me.
That was the punch line, you fucking idiot.