Scientists continue to speculate about the origins of an object that sped past the planet earlier today on its way to rendevouz with a cluster of uncivilized comets that appear to be gathering in the Spork Nebula, while former vice president in hiding Insignificant Dick Cheney accused the Obama administration of being soft on aliens and making the U.S. less safe for shopping.
Although no one has definitively identified the double-wide-manufactured-home-shaped mass that appeared to have several swarthy people on board, many of whom drop their underpants and press their buttocks against the portals in the side of the spacecraft whenever the Hubble telescope is aimed in their direction, some rogue investigators are suggesting that speculative fiction writers were correct in predicting that the missing occupants 13 empty beds discovered during the Heaven's Gate Hale Bopp Let's Boogie to the Next Level party on March 26, 1997 would one day return with a message for mankind to help us avoid self-deception by turning off our television sets and doing more work in the garden.
While many astonomers suggest that the mysterious vehicle loaded with the 13 Diabolical Derriere Disciples of Jesus Marshall Applewhite is actually a piece of space junk, no one is willing to explain how a manufactured home with 14 occupants managed to end up in space after vanishing from the backyard of the Heaven's Gate compound nearly 13 years ago without a trace.
"Beats the hell out of me," said NASA spokesman Rio D'Angelo, who suggested terrestrial pranksters may have hacked the Hubble data stream to make it appear that mooners were aboard a hallucinatory spacecraft "that could not and therefore does not exist. That's what I'd put my money on, hackers or mass hysteria caused by tears in the fabric of rational thought brought about by Fox News and armies of psychotic teabaggers and birthers with no clear leader to channel their suicidal energies."
My own take on all this is that Jesus and his disciples have returned for a nostalgic visit to see what earthlings have managed to accomplish since the last time their circus was in the solar system. Not much is my guess. Which is probably why they are showing us their asses. Even monkeys do it. At least they are rolling their shit into balls and throwing it at us.