Richard Head
Political Disserver
Patphysical misery Service
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WORSTENSHITINGTON — Less than four hours after White Bread Press Secretary Robert Gibbs suggested on NBC's Meat The Press Whores that Republicans were poised to retake the House in this fall's elections, several dozen teabaggers emerged from their burrows to urge their rabid followers not to listen to anything the Obama administration says.
"They is just trine to lollygag us into attention deficiting wheretofore the kind of uniforrific voice we showed last summer is sporadified and bulimic," said Rebecca Sandy Huffenpuff, who calls herself "your typical American Sarah Palin grizzly mom," who turned out with her "distended family" in 100+ degree heat to exhort her fellow patriots "not to listen to anything these liberals say, and always ask for ID."
Last year at this time, the country was awash in town hall protests by what appears to be thousands of Illiterate voters who claimed to represent the silent majority of America opposed to "turning the country around after eight years of the greatest period of peaceful prosperity that this rich nation has ever known." This summer, the absence of protests in the wake of Obama successes in reshaping and redirecting America to saner and safer destiny have led some observers to wonder if the administration hasn't secretly hunted down and rounded up the opposition.
"I wouldn't put it past his black ass," says Huffenpuff, "Damn nigra lied about where he was born, and he's been pushing his socialist agenda from the day before he stole the Oval Office."
Democrats now hold a 255-178 edge in the House, where Republicants only need to wrest 40 seats to become the majority and put Ohio Rep. Long John Boehner in a position to grind his crotch in the face of Rep. Big Nurse Nancy Pelosi, D-CA, a in a victory dance celebrating his replacement of the suspected liberal lesbian as speaker.
Republicans are worried that the Obama administration still has popularity only slightly lower than the former first idiot Goober Bush has following the attacks of 9/11. Bush, who spend most of his administration with approval ratings below 30% is seen by even the most ignorant conservative asswipe as having almost single-handedly driven the nation of miserable fucks to re-embrace Roosevelt era policies to replace the Raw Deal offered by moderates and centrists for nearly three decades.
"They know they have us on the ropes," said Karl Rove, no relation to former Bush advisor and alleged war criminal, "and that many of our most rabid supporters are not eligible to vote as the result of felony convictions and being foreign nationals, so they are taking this approach of claiming that they are at risk to lose their majority to reinforce the messages being sent by Rush Hindenberg Limbaugh and Grizzly Sarah Palin, who many now suspect are being paid by the DNC to sink our efforts to steer the ship of state into less troubled waters."
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