In another setback for the reproductive rights of women, the Supreme Court today ruled that all Americans, from the moment of conception, have the right to own a gun for self-defense anywhere they live, including in the uterus of their mothers.
Judicial pundits see this as a clear signal that the court is poised to extend voting rights to the unborn and allow them to sign binding contracts with various political, sports, entertainment, commercial, and spiritual entities, which may have far-reaching consequences to generations currently not even a stain on the sheets of consenting adults.
In a prostate-induced hurry to go on a its customary three-month vacation, the court's conservative majority stopped short of allowing the unborn to purchase ammunition online. The 5-4 decision followed the idiotological split of the court between the gun-crazy neo-condi rice and beaners and the pussified liberals who still naively adhere to the stupid notion that people form governments for the common good, which includes protection from gun nuts.
A spokesfetus, speaking on condition of anonymity because it is not authorized to comment on the record, hailed the court's latest effort to put a sidearm in the hands of every legaly registeredl American "a step on the road to our destiny."