On the heels of reports that al Qaeda chief poobah Osama bin Laden continues to vacation in Afghanistan when he isn't lecturing at Mullah Metroplitan Community College in Islamwebad, Pakistan, unnamed sources now report that the imaginary terrorist mastermind has been lecturing at the University of South Florida under the alias of Dr. Brian Oblivion since 1999, when he joined the adjunct faculty of the taxpayer-supported institution of higher learning as a specialist in English as a second language (ESL).
Apparently, Dr. Oblivion has been directed international terrorist activities from the Tampa Bay area for a decade now, using his fees from the lecture circuit to fund the purchase of one-way airline tickets and explosive vests.
Calls to the White House concerning this latest failure of the Obama and his liberal supporters to make the nation safe during the Bush administration were met with busy signals and endless loops in a voice mail system that told us that if we believed we had reached this message in error to please check the number we were dialing, hang up, eat shit and die again.