Millions of exuberantly loquacious liberals overpowered and out-shouted endangered Republicans at town hall meetings on health care reform across the NOMF™ in the waning days of the August recess, leaving roving bands of stem-cell deprived conservatives fondling their guns and holding signs with poor grammar and no calligraphy skills whatsoever. It was as if all the grandmas in the country put their feet down and told their pussified lazy baby boomer children to get out and combat the jackbooted Rushites and Gingrinchians to ensure they would get any goddamn health care, end of life or not.
Now it appears that freshman Minnesota Senator al Franqen has the inside track to replace outgoing Supreme Court Justice John Paul Big Jim Jonesing Stevens who recently told one of our ace reporters — who wrote this sentence on condition of anonymity because he was not authorized to make up shit like this during the Internet family hour — that "if I have to spend another fucking year with assholes like Tony Dimbulb, Pube Tube, Dissembling Sam, and the Bobblehead, I'd just as soon catch the zombie flu and drive a railroad spike through my ear into my brain."
Editor's note: Judge Stevens was apparently referring to developmentally disabled justices Antonin Scumbag Scalia, Clarence Buttwheat Thomas, Samuel Douchebag Alito, and Chief Justice John Thomas G-String Roberts, who are the only men standing between the country and truth, justice, and The American Way!
While we were momentarily tempted to make several phone calls asking the people mentioned in this story if they ever watch Penn and Teller's Bullshit on Showtime, we realized that money would be better spent on sex, drugs, and rock and roll, so we went with our gut feeling that the NOMF™ wouldn't be any more outraged or amused if we chose to be professional or just fuck off for the rest of the day.
We will say that Franken looked good during the confirmation hearings for Red Sonya Desotomajore, and there is a certain quid pro quo that operates in the world of poopadoodle and jurisprudence, which is not a song written by John Lennon and performed by the Beatles.
Oops. Time for supper. I can't wait until the new improved Obama-style Supreme Court come 2012 or 13 makes abortions mandatory for tea baggers and second amendment body count contributors and pays for it by taking health care from your grandma!