According to imaginary sources who spoke to my unnamed penis on condition of extreme deep throat anonymity, law enforcement officials have recently expanded their investigation into the insignificant retelling of a biblical story that no one can remember the point of or how it relates to meaningless lives of ordinary citizens of the nation of miserable fucks (NOMF™) in the 24/7 jargon-driven liberal media news-cycle to consider the remote possibility that runaway second-grader Kyron Horman was responsible for the alleged equipment malfunction that resulted in the accidental termination of cartoonist John Callahan, a notoriously cynical and obnoxious redhead.
We all know that redheads are to be avoided. Why is that news? Can you remember a redheaded president? A redheaded Pope? A redheaded philosopher? A redheaded hero? Fuck no. Redheads are for fucking, which is what the entire Horman story is all about, although law enforcement and the liberal media can't say that because they have no balls or they underwent radical clitorectomies during their eduction and apprenticeships.
Redheads abound in the Horman fantasy abduction league, and they are usually portrayed as objects of derision. All of the principles are routinely described on the Ted Steven's Interweb of tubes of disinformation and shit-stain avoidance freaks as teabagging rednecks and deluded hillbillies who have not quite mastered the concepts behind holding an effective meeting, which many of them have endured in the workplace before being laid off after participating in job audits that resulted in their positions being outsourced to people without red hair in places like Bangalore.
Callahan was a redhead who savaged redheads, rednecks, broken necks, idiots, saints, your mother, your father, himself, and spineless morons, which seems to describe most of the principals involved in the Kyron Horman case, including professional commentators (Hors, in textspeak) and online commenters on various news blogs and advertising vehicles.
It would have been easy for Kyron to have slipped into Callahan's room and disabled his life-support while hospital staff and family members were busy checking the latest developments on FaceBook and al Jazeera, where Kryon has recently posted several articles in support of Taliban efforts to drive redheads from Afghanistan.
Meanwhile, the nation of miserable fucks and the retards that make it possible continue to call for the apprehension and termination of Terri Horman, whose last name should not be spoken outloud in polite company and was bestowed upon her by our media hero Kaine, who is named after an actor with bad knees who played Superman?