As the Kyron Horman irreality show continues to expand from the Specific Northwest — aka the redneck white trash armpit of the nation of miserable fucks — it now appears that the global search for the missing second grader resulted in the unrestricted spew of more than 2.5 million gallons of crude on Tuesday when government regulators asked BP for assurances that their latest attempt to temporarily cap of Deepwater Horizon well wouldn't result in the death of Kyron and hundreds of other kute, kuddly, and kreative young white children currently listed as missing.
Officials at BP could not be contacted to comment on the release of footage of the wellhead by al Jazeera that appeared to show the boy's head lodged in the blowout preventer.
Al Qaeda denied any involvement in the child's disappearance or the insertion of his head into the BP well.