Michael Jackson failed to rise from the dead today during his resurrection concert at the Staples Center in Los Angeles, which is unfortunately the home of the L..A. Clippers or the Cleveland Browns or possibly Oprah Winfrey. It just evokes absolute Norm Coleman losertude vibrations so that I need to play with myself for awhile before I can continue without recognizing that al Franqen now rules the U.S. Senate.
That's for better or worse, which probably the saddest thing I've ever read since The Good Soldier by Ford Maddox Ford, although Lynn Johnson might disagree.
Anticipation of the return of the King of Pop had been growing ever since rumors I created surfaced in Pakistan that MJ had become a moderate imam committed to providing 76 virgin boys for any jihad martyr who died while fighting The Great Satan, which is apparently on sale at Bed, Bath, and Beyond this weekend in both Queen and King sizes.
I mean let's get serious here people. I fully believed that Mikey was going to pull this comeback off, but the liberal media is making it sound like there's no way, man, no matter if you're black or white, and I can't understand the hostility these assholes keep spewing.
Didn't anybody ever watch him dance? Where the fuck is John Travolta, for Christ's sake? Jackson always made everyone else look gay.
Doesn't anyone even remember Katrina? How many days was the NOMF subjected to all those bodies floating around? And no one complained. The liberal media and the opposition talk show component ate it up.
Can somebody check if Rush Hindenberg Limbaugh was above scum-sucking status at that time?
Didn't think so.
I am devastated, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, that the King of Pop was unable to speak a few words at his own wake. I would have appreciated a little more concern and acknowledgement of the suffering of his fans, some of whom had to take public transportation to be disappointed by the MJ no-show.
I say it's time to pitch the body in a ditch somewhere and get on with preparing for the funeral of The Governator, who is beginning to look like he has been drained by Sarah Sirhan Palin.
It don't matter if you're black or right.