Not since Anita Hill accused Supremie nominee Clarence Hambone Thomas of offering her a fur-coated Coke during his confirmation hearings has so much fuss been made about genital hair until we started discussing health care reform. Thomas, the first prominent non-white victim of a high tech lynching was nominated by George Herbert Hoover No Mas Linkage Bush, during the post traumatic stress era reaction to the Alzheimer-addled administration of Ronald The Old Rummy Raygun.
Beyond their proud mastery of stupidity, Americans are averse to any discussion that suggests sexual activity and recreational genital stimulation, so why anyone is surprised that loud slimy sweaty clots of screaming idiots would disrupt any mass debation of health care reform that involves a pubic option is beyond me, and everyone here at the Portland Pataphysical Outpatient Clinic, Lounge, and Laundromat, where we offer free pubic processing for our patients as part of our imaginary mental health adjustment, agrees that Nancy Big Mom Pelosi is making a good point when she says it's time to start using better euphemisms if we want to have meaningful health care reform.
Americans aren't prepared for adult conversation as they surf Internet porn sites, looking for the best self-improvement treatment for the number one imaginary illness afflicting idiots today: low self-esteem. Angry white people with low self-esteem often shave their public hair because they think it makes them look too African-American.
House Spritzer Pelosi is currently pimping the idea of calling the pubic option the consumer option, which we would rather call the Big Horny John option to at least retain something of the sexiness that any mass debate of health care reform ought to have to get a rise out of completely melted down mental defectives — aka Republicans and their knuckle dragging constituents — and marginally rational NOMF™ citizens alike.
Meanwhile, Rep. Debbie Hold Your Horses Wasserman Schultz, D-Fla., is floating the turdly term competitive option, which is a pimpingly good term in its own right, although trickle-down catheter option has a better ring to it.
This morning Pelosi and Schultz strutted their snappers together at a Florida center for old farts from up North, with Pelosi making up shit as she went along, saying stuff like "You'll hear everybody saying that there's got to be a better name for this pubic option. When people think of the pubic option, they think pubic stuff is being forced down their throats in a misrepresentational way, that this is being paid for with their pubic dollars, when no pubes will be harmed in any way to make this work."
I'm thinking that a compromise consumer preemptive competitive nuclear option might be the way to go to touch all the right buttons so that people will sit in front of their TV sets as zombie flu sweeps the nation with glazed looks in the eyes and bovine perspiration beading on their upper lip areas.
As Dinah Moe Humm used to say: "Just get us wasted, and you're halfway there, because when our minds' tore up, then our bodies don't care."