Sairhead Sirhan Palin responded to rumors that liberals were going to disrupt her book signing this morning by going rogue in a big way and shooting several people from the same helicopter she uses to hunt wolves, moose, caribou, polar bears, and Eskimos in Alaska.
It turned out that the rumors were false, but Palin still managed to wound 10 people, most of whom had camped out overnight outside the Barnes and Noble at the Woodland Mall in Grand Rapids. Many wore armbands that identified them as Jewish agitators, although no one knows who made that determination.
According to AP wire reports, those in the line waiting to get copies of Palin’s remaindered best-seller, Going Drogue, included students from Calvin Trillin Community College named Megan Patsky and Sarah Cranmer who didn’t even crack a smile when I told them my name was Ben Dover, although I gave a patented Palin wink. “I don’t get it,” Patsky said.
“I’m sure you don’t,” I replied.
The former governor and Republican vice-presidential candidate later apologized for any collateral damage from her "preemptive strike against the enemies who have followed us home to the malls because the Democrats have cut and run when the going gets rogue."
An unnamed spokesidiot for Palin apologized to supporters for her lack of accuracy during the fly-by, noting that she only wounded several suspected Democrats who were waiting to have their insignificant penises and boutique bosoms signed as part of her 2012 presidential nomination campaign that continued to help spook rabid conservatives out into the open where they can be tagged by the EPA and studied as their numbers decline.
"She'll do better next time," someone said.