As if the nation of miserable fucks (NOMF™) is not already over-burdened with worrying about whether their kids are about to embark on a drunken night of knives and guns and fucking underage pussy and bungholes while wearing unclean underwear, it now appears that embryos will soon be able to sign contracts with major print and e-book publishers to turn their quivering insights and recollections into blockbuster releases sure to be favorites among the collectors who thrive on the remainders.
Yes, gentile readers, it appears that hard on the heels of news that Bristol Palin and Justin Bieber have inked huge deals to allow ghost writers to look back over their long and illustrious lives, our imaginary sources inform us that the E*Trade babies are about to release a series of how-to books, beginning with Humorous Huggies Hijinks and Finger-Painting Doo’s and Don’ts and How I Helped Hose Out My Mother.
The terrific tots were recently sued by Lindsay Lohan for either misappropriation of a tarnished trademark or defamation when they referred to Milkaholic Lindsay in one of their annoying ads. The tots themselves sued the ABC network for age discrimination when they were excluded from auditions for Dancing with the Stars.
We didn't bother to contact any of our targets for comment, because what's the point?