Fucking Russians. What a bunch of drunken clowns. I heard they just opened a station on their metro with murals celebrating Crime and Punishment and The Demons, and Pubic Radio International (PRI) broadcast a story today about whether it is appropriate to have a mass transit station named after a decidedly dour writer of The Brothers Karamozov, a novel that Eliot Rosewater once called the most important novel ever written, before admitting that that was no longer enough.
Rosewater was a kind and gentle invention of Kurt Vonnegut Jr. — now deceased — who was occasionally blessed by God before the religious less-than-right and negatively nabobian Repugnicants co-opted the concept and had Americans line up to get what trickled down to them in a kinder and gentler urine stream of malign benevolence.
During the PRI story, several people said they had no idea who Dostoevsky was — although to be fair, most of these ignorant assholes were probably educated in the United States — or thought Tolstoy was more deserving of having a subway station named after him, if you really needed to use a writer's name to label such atrocities.
As one wag put it, "Why not name these hell-holes after military campaigns?"
Dostoevsky, by the way, was generally called DOS during the mid-20th century, and Bill Gates and Paul Allen paid tribute to Freaky Fydor by naming their original IBM operating system after him. John Dos Passos apparently had the entire Grand Inquisitor tattooed on the glans of his penis in a code that required a key be inked under his enormous foreskin.
Some people on the PRI program expressed concern that the brutal murals depicting crimes and suicides from DOS novels might cause an increase in the number of Russian commuters leaping to their deaths during the dismal commute between their meaningless jobs and their desolate lives.
Fortunately, I was able to scan other available FM stations while on my own dismal commute and heard about the astounding discovery in northern Alberta, where thousands of horned dinosaurs are believed to have imbibed the prehistoric Koolaid in the largest communal suicide thus far discovered on this planet.
Some scientists believe that a cave on Mars recently described by junior high school students in Masada, Ohio, may contain more than 15,000 missing victims from the Martian attacks on September 11, 2001, who chose suicide rather than to read statements implicating the U.S. government in atrocities around the globe for more than 200 years.
Meanwhile, the BP spill in the Gulf of Hysteria may or may not be collecting 10 to 20 times as much oil than official estimates of what is leaking while collecting less than half of what it might be.
I love math and science.