This post rips off a joke sent to me by my little sister, Delirium Deluralei, who lives in Florida, the state where Jews go to not understand how to vote for Democrats because they can't tell the difference between a butterfly ballot and a pork chop.
I am kidding, of course, I was born and raised a crazy Italian, destined to drive a red car but never wealthy enough to own one. Over the years, my nicknames have included Guido, Vito, Elio, Vinnie, Goombah, and Fuckface, all of which are perfectly acceptable terms that Italians bandy about like love crimes that are not yet punishable by life in prison because liberals have convinced conservatives that they need to protect themselves from themselves.
Some jokes are just fucking funny, and I thought this one deserves to be put on the Lucky Luciano list of Frank Sinatra's favorite guffaws, assuming Frank knew how to read, which is debatable.
Once upon a time there were three little pigs. The straw pig, the stick pig and the brick pig.
One day this nasty Republican wolf came up to the straw pig's house and said, "I'm gonna huff and puff and blow your house down." Which he did. Fucking rich assholes are like that.
So the straw pig went running over to the stick pig's house and said, "Please let me in, the Republican wolf just blew down my house." So the stick pig let the straw pig in.
Just then the Republican wolf showed up and said, "I'm gonna huff and puff and blow your house down." Which he did, because he had his second amendments right and an RPG.
So the straw pig and the stick pig went running over to the brick pig's house and said, "Let us in, let us in, the big bad wolf just blew our houses down!"
So the brick pig let them in just as the wolf showed up and said, "I'm gonna huff and puff and blow your house down." The straw pig and the stick pig were fucking pissing themselves, the liberal porcine pussies! But the brick pig said, "Fuck this shit" picked up the phone and made a call.
A few minutes later a big, black Cadillac Escalade pulls up and out step two massive porcine pillars of power in pin striped suits and fedora hats. These pigs walk over to the wolf, grab him by the neck, and beat the fucking shit out of him, as he begs for mercy, saying he knows Dick Cheney. He can open some doors for them.
So one of the pumped up pigs pulls out a gun, sticks it in the wolf's bloody mouth and blows his worthless Republican head off, killing him instantly. Working quickly, they don Dexter-style smocks and cut the body into roast-sized pieces, wrapping them in oven bags tied to cement blocks, and tossed the fucking piece of bloviating neocondi rice and beaner detritus into the river beyond the road.
The straw pig and stick pig were stunned, perplexed, impressed, all at the same time.
"Who the fuck were those guys?" they asked.
"What the fuck is a matter with you pussies? Them is my cousins, Vito and Vinnie, the guinea pigs. You gotta a problem with dat?"