DETROIT — Dismissing Obama administration claims that one of their operatives was responsible for the failed bombing of Northwest Airlines Flight 253 on Christmas day, a spokesman for Al Qaeda in Michigan said it had warned the U.S. Transportation Safety Administration that Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab, a Nigerian equivalent of young George W. Bush was drinking heavily and threatening to "blow up an airliner for Allah."
"Unlike the United States, Al Qaeda is not run by idiots, and we consider far more options on the table than collateral damage," said Rafshan Hashemi Ben-Khesi, noting that the organization has focused on supporting the Republican effort to scuttle health care reform, "an effort, I might add, that had proven quite successful."
Although no one wanted to speak on the record about Al Qaeda's involvement in killing the public option and expansion of Medicare to Americans 55 and older, several congressional insiders expressed admiration for how quickly the terrorist organization has remade itself into a political force to be reckoned with.
"Without Al Qaeda calling the shots," said one blue dog Democrat, "the health care bill would have already been signed by President Obama. The played their cards well in the Senate, where the big money is. The House is no match for the Senate. It's like the Commons trying to stand up to the Lords. That just ain't gonna happen."